Feeling like you do not belong is more common than it looks
The hardest part of college or university is often not the work. It is the in between: the first week, the quiet term, the room where you do not know anyone yet.
If you feel like everyone else found their people on day one, you are not behind. Most students feel out of place at some point, especially in first year. They just do not say it out loud.
Why it happens
- Everything changes at once. New city, new routine, new people, new expectations. Even good change takes time to settle.
- You compare your inside to everyone else's outside. You feel your own doubts. You only see other people's photos.
- The friends you had took years to build. Expecting the same closeness in a few weeks is a lot to ask of anyone.
- Quiet weeks feel personal. When the excitement of orientation fades, it is easy to think the silence is about you. Usually it is not.
Students who often feel it most
Anyone can feel like they do not fit. It can be louder if you are:
- The first in your family to go to college or university, and there is no one at home who has done it.
- From a small town, and your program alone is bigger than your high school.
- Commuting, and you leave campus when the evening plans start.
- Coming from another country, learning a new place and a new system at the same time.
- Transferring in, or starting in January, when groups already seem set.
- Older than most of your classmates, returning to school after work or family.
None of these mean you will not belong. They just mean it helps to find a few people who understand where you are coming from.
Small ways to build belonging
- Find one regular place. A club, a study room, a team, a weekly event. Belonging grows from seeing the same faces again and again.
- Talk to someone a step ahead. A student one or two years ahead remembers how this felt, and can tell you it gets better because it did for them.
- Say it out loud once. "I am finding this harder than I expected" is often met with "me too."
- Give it a term, not a week. Most students say it took until second term, or even second year, to feel at home.
For practical tips on making friends, see our student life guide.
How Cohorts is built for belonging
Reading counts. You can join a community and simply read and listen. You do not have to post to be part of it.
No pressure to perform. No follower counts, no streaks, no leaderboards, no infinite feed.
Meet people before day one. Join the communities for your school and program, and message students who are already there, so you arrive knowing a few names.
Soft entry
You can be present without being on display. Read, listen, and join in when you are ready.
Your school, your program
Communities built around where you are going and what you are studying, so the people you meet are on the same path.
Human pace
No infinite feed. No streaks. The app waits for you, not the other way around.
When it is more than a hard week
Feeling out of place for a while is normal. If it starts to feel heavy, talk to someone: a friend, a family member, or your campus counselling service. Most Canadian colleges and universities offer free counselling to students.
If you are in crisis, call or text 9-8-8, the Suicide Crisis Helpline, any time, anywhere in Canada.